Sharing the Love ... or Love Lessons

Yesterday was Valentine's Day, and because it fell on a Sunday, Pastor Walker decided to do something different for morning worship service. He asked a few couples to share something they've learned about being married. This is what I spoke on.

First, for two people to have a successful marriage, they have to realize they are just that...two people. My husband is a wonderful person...one who also happens to have flaws. Guess what!?! So am I! So are you! I can't expect perfection when I can't give it. And I have learned to accept my husband even on the rare occasions he disappoints me -- even when he purposefully pushes my buttons. He's a big tease, but a sweetheart, and I'm blessed to be married to a man who loves me, cares for me, supports me and prays for me...even if he makes me crazy from time to time (those of you who know him will say amen).

I have to say my greatest lesson has come from my greatest challenge. Not only do men and women think differently and feel differently due to gender issues, but every person has a basic motivational thrust -- their first-response to a situation that gives some insight into who they are and how they think.

Here's an example. If someone spills a can of paint, what is your initial gut response? Bill, the more compassionate of the Wagners, would first respond to the person's emotions. "Oh, no. I'm so sorry that happened." He'd be right there with a towel to help clean it up, too. I, on the other hand, would react in a different way. "How in the world did that happen?" Arms might even flap as I attempted to figure out what caused it and make sure it didn't happen again.

Another person might be motivated by service. They would immediately clean up the spill as their first reaction. Someone else might be motivated by giving. They would run right out and buy you another can. An encourager-type might give you a 12-step plan on how not to spill paint. See how all these different motivations can play out in our lives? Understanding your spouse's basic motivation will help you process the way they react to and approach life--it can really eliminate a lot of frustration.

Lastly, what I've learned is that the place where my husband and I clash the most is the very place we probably need each other the most. Here's another example. I have a tendency to want to make quick decisions. My husband likes to take a very contemplative approach to decision making. Well, you can see how this could put a strain on a marriage. I can't say I love it when decisions don't happen within my self-imposed time frame (fingers drumming on the desk or toes tapping beneath), but I have learned to better temper my compulsive tendencies and trust my husband, especially on the big decisions. And perhaps Bill has learned in our 12 years of marriage to be more purposeful about decision making and not hold off when there is no reason to delay.

So there's some of the Wagner dirty laundry out on the line. Marriage is great, and although it's not always easy, I hope you will learn from my school-of-hard-knocks lessons that God uses our spouses to help us grow personally and spiritually.

Conference Highlights

I had a request for some of the highlights from Because of the Times. Keep in mind this is a conference for ministers and these are totally out-of-context excerpts from 40 pages of notes taken over two-and-a-half days...so here we go...

Bro. David Bernard - Our world's greatest revival is in front of us. To see it we must think outside the box, reach out to those who are searching spiritually and remember the most cutting-edge and relevant thing we have is the power of the Holy Ghost.

Governor Bobby Jindal - Don't worry about your questions for God. Worry about His questions for you.

Bro. Anthony Mangun - Church shouldn't be a place to go to, but a place to go from. Even if you're taking God from where He was to where He wants to be, we have to do it His way and not look to what the Philistines did (when David retrieved the ark of the covenant). There is only one way to have revival--the Holy Ghost. We can get so "deep" we miss the depth of the Holy Ghost. There are no large or small churches in the Kingdom--God walks AMONG the candlesticks.

Bro. Terry Shock - You CAN teach an old dog new tricks. Don't live your life on cliche theology, but on the Word of God. God doesn't put more on us than we can bear, but we can.

Dr. Archibald Hart - Finishing well starts at the beginning. God is more concerned that we finish well than be a "success." We have to live within the boundaries of God's design and God designed us to be fragile, weak, vulnerable clay pots. We can't be spiritual and deny our humanity. Jesus obeyed every physical law, even the law of rest. It is not great talent God blesses, but likeness to Jesus. The vessel must be clean or the message won't be. God designed our stress reaction and recovery cycle--it is part of His creation. Build in recovery time.

Bro. Michael Williams - Rending garments signaled grief and desparation--a problem or dilemma or tragedy that defied resolution. Priests were forbidden to rend their garments. There is nothing too overwhelming for God. The priests of the second temple rent their garments in Jesus' presence, but Jesus' robe, our high priest, was not torn. We are called not to rend our clothes in despair and hopelessness, but to rend our hearts.

Bro. Wayne Huntley - Don't flirt with birthing something wild you can never regain or remove. Preempt the conception. What you preach is what God will do. The devil can't put any yoke on you the anointing of God can't break. Don't transfer your need for approval and acceptance to those who stand around false fires, but from those of like precious faith.

Bro. T.F. Tenney - Don't ask "What do you believe?" but "Who do you trust?". We can use the name of God without knowing His character--we must express His character through love. Revelation + experience = power. We can't invoke the name of Jesus to accomplish the will of man. Jesus is on the mercy seat, not the judgment seat. The devil never showed up in the Old Testament tabernacle or temple, but he did in the synagogue. There was no mercy seat there; only the law. Some of the things we preach against aren't sin, but they keep us from sin. God put all the meaning and power of the Old Testament names of God in Jesus, and we have to experience Him in these ways to be empowered. Jesus isn't just the A and Z, but everything in between.

Sis. Vesta Mangun - Nothing hell can produce can upstage the Church. We should wear our hearts on our sleeves: not our emotions and feelings, but our real selves. Get real. Pull off the mask. If you love God, wear it for all to see. Our prayers have the power to heal the past and provide for the future. Lead people into prayer, into revival, into winning our cities. If we haven't done well how can Jesus say "Well done"?

Bro. Robbie Mitchell - To achieve global impact we must have individual impact. Every person is extremely important to God. When our words and our actions don't go together there is a problem. We can't neglect evangelism to minister to petty needs of saints. Nothing should interfere with our focus on the lost.

Bro. Jeff Arnold - The dimension of faith is like a jetstream; we have to jump into it. We are anchored to Jesus and He is unmovable. In overwhelming times we need an overcoming God. Your destiny is not up to the devil. Anchors give us stability and keep us from drifting. They will hold us as long as we keep in the right direction, but they can be dislodged if you circle around and go the opposite direction. Don't try to escape what God wants you to experience.