Sharing the Love ... or Love Lessons

Yesterday was Valentine's Day, and because it fell on a Sunday, Pastor Walker decided to do something different for morning worship service. He asked a few couples to share something they've learned about being married. This is what I spoke on.

First, for two people to have a successful marriage, they have to realize they are just that...two people. My husband is a wonderful person...one who also happens to have flaws. Guess what!?! So am I! So are you! I can't expect perfection when I can't give it. And I have learned to accept my husband even on the rare occasions he disappoints me -- even when he purposefully pushes my buttons. He's a big tease, but a sweetheart, and I'm blessed to be married to a man who loves me, cares for me, supports me and prays for me...even if he makes me crazy from time to time (those of you who know him will say amen).

I have to say my greatest lesson has come from my greatest challenge. Not only do men and women think differently and feel differently due to gender issues, but every person has a basic motivational thrust -- their first-response to a situation that gives some insight into who they are and how they think.

Here's an example. If someone spills a can of paint, what is your initial gut response? Bill, the more compassionate of the Wagners, would first respond to the person's emotions. "Oh, no. I'm so sorry that happened." He'd be right there with a towel to help clean it up, too. I, on the other hand, would react in a different way. "How in the world did that happen?" Arms might even flap as I attempted to figure out what caused it and make sure it didn't happen again.

Another person might be motivated by service. They would immediately clean up the spill as their first reaction. Someone else might be motivated by giving. They would run right out and buy you another can. An encourager-type might give you a 12-step plan on how not to spill paint. See how all these different motivations can play out in our lives? Understanding your spouse's basic motivation will help you process the way they react to and approach life--it can really eliminate a lot of frustration.

Lastly, what I've learned is that the place where my husband and I clash the most is the very place we probably need each other the most. Here's another example. I have a tendency to want to make quick decisions. My husband likes to take a very contemplative approach to decision making. Well, you can see how this could put a strain on a marriage. I can't say I love it when decisions don't happen within my self-imposed time frame (fingers drumming on the desk or toes tapping beneath), but I have learned to better temper my compulsive tendencies and trust my husband, especially on the big decisions. And perhaps Bill has learned in our 12 years of marriage to be more purposeful about decision making and not hold off when there is no reason to delay.

So there's some of the Wagner dirty laundry out on the line. Marriage is great, and although it's not always easy, I hope you will learn from my school-of-hard-knocks lessons that God uses our spouses to help us grow personally and spiritually.